Well, this happened back in 1984.
Before Internet and before today’s use of the @-sign we enjoyed e-mail at Tandem Computers. E-Mail had three classes. Class III was for personal communication: everybody could send out “spam” messages to the whole community the world over, about 3000 people I guess. We all used “dumb” terminals, not PCs.
On September 10, 1984, I had summarized the answers to my “Romance” question, and edited out all names. The content survived over thirty years – printed on paper. In those days files were stored centrally or on floppies. I scanned these memories, left most of the original typing, and here is the advice on love. Read the answers, some are very touching, all are true to this day.
|My German keyboard by Tandem Computers made by Cherry – and still in good use here.|
Note the calming absence of Microsoft Windows keys. 1980s. Dishwasher cleaned.
Triggered by a friend, who had asked me for advice, I had turned this question to the community:
A FRIEND OF MINE IS BEING WILDLY ROMANCED BY A MUCH YOUNGER MAN. SHE WOULD LIKE SOME FEELINGS/RESPONSES FROM OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN OR MAY HAVE KNOWN SOMEONE IN A DECEMBER-MAY SITUATION. THIS IS SERIOUS. IT HAS REACHED THE POINT OF "ALMOST" NO RETURN.
REPLIES WILL BE KEPT IN öSIMS.$USERS.TRACY.ROMANCE.
[a file supposedly accessible from everywhere. The Ö probably was the German line printer’s backslash.]
FROM A CONCERNED FRIEND. THANK YOU.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO TAKE EVERY CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS.
SO LET HER ENJOY AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, I WOULD.
I WOULD BE WILLING TO TALK ABOUT MINE BUT NOT OVER THE NETWORK
—————She's December & he's May? —————How much is "much younger"? What does "wildly romanced" mean? Is your friend male or female? Assuming that we're talking about a female person, ask her to forget it. Nothing good will come out of it in the long run. Her best bet is that she has a very insecure person on her hands, who wants a mother-substitute. She will get VERY hurt in the future if she pursues this. If all she REALLY wants is a roll in the hay with a young stud - OK, fine. But if she's looking for a steady, comfortable relation, growing old together, just forget it. He just won't stick to her. Then, if that's OK with "your friend", why not ... but I don't really think that anyone can put up with that kind of thing if we're talking about Love (intentionally capitalized). —————GO FOR IT
If it feels good, do it. Life's an adventure ... live it.
Younger men have no sense of responsibility, nor do they know what they want in life. They have never done any long term goal setting. Consequently if they live from day to day they minght change to something quite different from what they are. If both parties are in a state of change while in the relationship, don't make any commitments.
I feel somewhat qualified to speak on this matter. I have been married and divorced twice, and had a couple of other relationships that didn't work. During that time I was going thru some changes and I'm completely different from what I was when I started.
Personally I prefer younger women because they aren't as set in thier ways. They are more active too. Generally they have thier act together more than men. Its also important that couples complement each other in abilities and temperment. Thats why its important that ther aren't in a state of change while they are adjusting to each other.
So much for the soap box.
I was born in the month of May. and I have had the pleasure of experiencing the exhilarating flood of emotion which had swept over me and the older woman in my life at that time ... Charlotte. I have to admit, from my standpoint, that I can relate to the "much younger man" of whom you spoke. As hard as it is for more mature ladies to believe, there is, in the world, a few of us from
the "much younger generation" who sincerely believe in some of the more subtle strengths of manhood. Strength through sensitivity, strength through compassion, strength through gentlemanly practices.
My personal experiences have proven to me that I can only be appreciated by someone who values the same things that I do.
Younger women are very much into little head-games, and manipulatory tactics. They have difficulty appreciating things that they are too shallow to understand. All that macho baloney is for men who are too insecure to let their real feelings show, like it is a weakness or something.
I am not presently dating a lot, but when I do, I prefer to go out with an older woman. She is very frank, and sensible. The older woman will always be alluring to me. Sexually speaking, older women generally are less inhibited, and more appreciative of the guy who is in tune with her likes and dislikes. A gentle touch, a softly spoken [word], a soft caress, taking one's TIME!!!
Sharing a bottle of wine in the bathtub, with the room bathed in candlelight. Flying a kite on the beach at sunset, hand in hand.
The older woman is concerned not with the money you've spent on her, but rather the amount of forethought and creativity you have expressed on her behalf.
Ah, the wisdom of age. How much I have learned, how much I have shared. The euphoria, the contentedness, the honesty. Tracy, tell your friend to enjoy! But then, not everyone's like me, so tell her not to invest more of her heart than she can bear to lose. In any event, I'm waiting to meet another, because the "GAP" just doesn't exist. sincerely, XXXXXXX (age 25)
I was one of those "much younger" men several (16) years ago. I met a woman when I was 18 and she was 28. We lived together for five years, and finally got married. It was really nice for about five more years, but then things went to hell in a hat basket over the next five. We have been separated now for about a year. I have four other friends (on both sides of the relationship) who tried a much-younger-man relationship, and they, too, have broken up. My relationship with my wife was the longest of the three.
I would suggest to your friend that she seriously consider the consequences of the difference in years. The MYM [mastering your mind?] might claim that it'll make absolutely no difference, but take it from an MYM, it will eventually.
Sorry to sound so cynical,
but then experience tells.
I am not anxious to review my love life in netmail files, but I was married for 6 years (and together even longer) with a woman 9 - 10 years my senior. I would be happy to discuss our mutual common situation with your friend. She can call me and we can discuss it.
MY UNCLE HAS BEEN MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL WOMAN WHO IS 12 YEARS OLDER THAN HIMSELF. THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 14 YEARS NOW AND ARE STILL DEEPLY IN LOVE.
IN HIS CASE IT WAS A MATCH TRAT SUITED THEIR NEEDS AND IT [IS] STILL WORKING, SO ALL I CAN SAY IS TRUST YOUR HEART.
GOOD LUCK TO THE BOTH OF THEM, —————Perhaps your friend is a motherly lover. If she can later leave her loved one to go into the world she'll enjoy a short, rewarding, albeit unequal relationship without "return", but with an end ...
P.S. Are you yourself female or male? I'm not so familiar with American names.
Just amazing, and in company time.
Dear "Concerned Friend",
Please don't take these remarks amiss ... I feel your friend should just be true to herself ... if she feels anything for the younger man, then what's with "almost" ... enjoy it, disregard all other opinions, coz you've only got one life and its a short one. Act in haste, repent at leisure but at least you can smile at the memories. Dont act at all and you'll never know, remember or smile at the good times!!
Toy boys are very fashionable in UK right now. A very close friend of mine is desperately in love with a much younger man. Whilst she is happy in her love, she is getting a lot of heartache because she wants family and security and he is just discovering what a great place the world is and is eager to get out and try everything. He's not ready for the responsibilty she wants to put on him.
Bottom line - forget it unless you just want a good time.
Afterthought - If "your friend" is really in love then any responses you get will make no difference at all !
POSSIBLY YOUR FRIEND MIGHT WANT TO READ DR. JOYCE BROTHERS' BOOK "WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN." MY WIFE TELLS ME IT INCLUDES A VERY GOOD SEGMENT ON JUST THIS ISSUE. AND, WHILE THIS KIND OF AGE DIFFERENCE CAN BE OVERCOME, SHE EXPLAINS WHY RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVING SUCH A DIFFERENCE "SURVIVE" MORE FREQUENTLY WHEN THE MAN IS THE "DECEMBER" PARTNER.
BECAUSE OF HIS NEED TO FEEL THAT THE WOMAN HE LOVES IS (AT LEAST IN HIS EYES) BEAUTIFUL, THESE RELATIONSHIPS OFTEN FAlL AS THE WOMAN'S APPEARANCE GRADUALLY SUCCOMBS TO THE AGING PROCESS -- NOT THAT THE ELDERLY ARE NECESSARILY UGLY, MIND YOU -- JUST THAT MANY MEN EXPECT THEIR PARTNER TO BE OLD AT THE SAME TIME THEY ARE OR LATER. SINCE PHYSICAL APPEARANCE IS NOT (AS) IMPORTANT TO THE WOMAN, THIS PROBLEM IS OFTEN COMPENSATED FOR BY THE PERSONALITY, WEALTH, POWER, ETC. THAT THE MAN POSSESSES IN HIS MIDDLE-AGE TO LATER YEARS. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LlKE JUST ANOTHER DOUBLE STANDARD, BUT WHERE SUCH SUBLIMINAL SYSTEMS EXIST IT'S PROBABLY BEST TO KNOW ABOUT THEM BEFORE THEY HURT YOU.
NEVERTHELESS, I THINK IT WOULD BE FAIR TO SAY THAT MANY MEN FANTASIZE ABOUT RAVING AN AFFAIR WITH AN OLDER WOMAN WHO WOULD RAVE MORE TO OFFER IN THE WAY OF EDUCATION, WORK, AND CULTURAL EXPERIENCE. THEY MAY EVEN EXPECT THESE RELATIONSHIPS TO LAST A FEW YEARS. BUT IN THE END THE "OLDER WOMAN" STILL OFTEN FINDS HERSELF ALONE.
DOES 5.5 YEARS DIFFERENCE QUALIFY ?????????? I AM IN A ------------L 0 N G-------------PROCESS WHERE I AM AT LEAST "JULY" (IF NOT "MAY") PORTION OF THE RELATION. IS THERE EVER A POINT OF NO RETURN? I DON'T THINK SO. THIS MAY SOUND NONSENSICAL, BUT I DON'T FEEL ONE SHOULD "COMPARE" SITUATION A VERSUS SITUATION B AND FEEL THAT A DECISION MUST BE MADE TO LEAVE A AND GO TO B, THEREBY LOOSING A. I FEEL THE DECISION SHOULD BE MADE ACCORING TO WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. THERE IS NO "RETURN" TO ANY POINT IN YOUR LIFE. EVERYTHING YOU DO IS DONE ONCE. YOU CANNOT RELIVE ANY DAY, SO YOU SHOULD THEREFORE LIVE OR DO WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL IS BEST FOR YOU, WITHIN REASON, SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS.
I HAVEN'T BEEN IN THAT OR KNOWN ANYONE IN THAT SITUATION; BUT, I CAN ONLY GIVE ENCOURAGEMENT. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE AND IF HE TREATS HER RIGHT, TRAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
TELL HER TO GO FOR AND GIVE IT ALL THE GUSTO SHE'S GOT! ! !!
THIS 3RD CLASS MAIL STUFF IS GETTING CRAZY. EARPLUGS, TOYOTAS, AND NOW ROMANCE. I LOVE IT.
I CAN'T HELP BUT RESPOND. I'VE HAD TWO BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH OLDER WOMEN, AND I KNOW IT DIDN'T DO ANY OF US HARM. MY PARENTS MIGHT HAVE A FEW EXTRA GRAY HAIRS, AND SOME FRIENDS DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED A THING. THE MEMORIES OF THOSE FABULOUS TIMES WILL BE WITH ME FOREVER.
I DEVELOPED A SENSITIVITY THAT FEW MEN HAVE, AND LEARNED HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN IN A WAY VERY FEW MEN CAN. I WAS 17 WHEN I FIRST MET AND FELL IN LOVE WITH A 29 YEAR OLD WOMAN NAMED JANICE. I LIVED WITH HER ON AND OFF FOR 5 YEARS WHILE I WAS IN SCHOOL AND AFTER. IT EVENTUALLY ENDED BECAUSE SHE WANTED A FAMILY AND TIME WAS RUNNING OUT AND I JUST WASN'T READY. I WISH I KNEW HOW TO FIND HER NOW.
THE SECOND WAS CLOSER TO FORTY WHEN I WAS 25. I HELPED HER OUT OF A MESSY DIVORCE AFTERMATH, AND WE ARE STILL THE DEAREST OF FRIENDS.
TELL YOUR FRIEND TO LIVE LIFE BY DAYS, NOT YEARS. ENJOY THE PLEASURES OF THE MOMENT, LET THE BITTERSWEET TAKE CARE OF ITSELF. I WISH HER THE BEST OF LUCK.
ALTHOUGH I, MYSELF HAVE BEEN INVOLVED FOR THREE YEARS WITH A MAN FOUR YEARS YOUNGER THAT MYSELF, I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT APPLIES TO WHAT YOU ARE DISCUSSING. I DO HAVE TWO FRIENDS THOUGH THAT QUALIFY IN THE "MAY-DECEMBER" ROMANCE CATEGORY. ONE COUPLE BOTH HAVE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE AND HAVE FlVE CHILDREN BETWEEN THEM. THEY HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR A FEW MONTHS, BUT HAD SEEN EACH OTHER MANY YEARS BEFORE AND THINGS SEEM TO BE WORKING OUT QUITE WELL FOR THEM. SHE IS 41 AND HE WILL BE 32. THE OTHER COUPLE HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR 7 YEARS. HE IS 9 YEARS YOUNGER THAT [THAN] HER AND THEY HAVE A CHILD. THEY HAVE HAD THEIR UPS AND DOWNS BUT I REALLY THINK THEIR MARRIAGE IS PRETTY SUCCESSFUL. MOST OF THEIR PROBLEMS THROUGHOUT THEIR MARRIAGE HAVE HAD LITTLE TO DO WITH THE AGE DISCREPANCY. I THINK BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO COMMON FRIENDS. THIS SEEMS TO BE THE COMMON COMMENT FROM BOTH COUPLES. I HOPE YOUR FRIENDS FIND HAPPINESS!
It's GREAT! 6 years difference can make a bit of difference ... He thinks youthfully and treats me like a queen! What more could a woman want ... And to top that off he doesn't even call me his "OLD LADY". He hates that phrase. He says you're only as OLD as you make yourself out to be!
Take advantage of it.
MY ONLY ADVICE WOULD BE, FORGET ABOUT AGE, IF IT FEELS RIGHT, GO FOR IT.
I HAVE BEEN DATING A GUY 5 YEARS YOUNGER THAN MYSELF AND HAVE FOUND IT TO BE THE BEST RELATIONSHIP I'VE EVER HAD. THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE THOSE HANG-UPS AND PROBLEMS THAT OLDER GUYS DO. YOU DO HAVE TO BE PATIENT BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL GROWING UP IN A LOT OF WAYS, BUT THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN. I'M NEVER BORED IN MY RELATIONSHIP AND HAVE BECOME VERY INDEPENDENT AND HAVE NEVER BEEN IN BETTER PHYSICAL SHAPE (I WORK OUT LIKE CRAZY). I AM. IF YOUR FRIEND IS LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE, THE YOUNGER ONES ARE QUESTIONABLE FOR AWHILE. MY MAN IS ALWAYS TRUE BLUE [= faithful, treu] AND THERE ARE NEVER GAMES PLAYED. IF YOUR FRIENDS MALE COMPANION IS TRUE BLUE, I SAY GO FOR IT. GOOD LUCK
What do you have against younger men?
IN REGARDS TO YOUR MAlL MESSAGE. IT RARELY WORKS OUT IN THE WOMANS FAVOR. USUALLY BOTH PERSONS END UP BEING HURT. GIVE ME A CALL AT XXXXXXXX AND WE CAN TALK ON THE PHONE.
ROMANCES ARE VARIABLE ... IF IT WORKS OUT FINE, GREAT,
BUT ... WHEN IT COMES TO DIFFERENCES SUCH AS FRIENDS,
FAMILY INVOLVEMENT, PERSONAL DIFFERENCES, PRESSURES OF ALL SORTS ...
ONE MUST WEIGH THE RESULTS VS. THE RESULTS OF HURT VS. HAPPINESS. LIVING LIFE SHOULD BE FUN, ADVENTUROUS, AND YET SHOULD BE MADE SIMPLE ... SO FROM WHAT I KNOW GO FOR WHAT MAKES YOU WHAT YOU ARE.
LOTS OF LUCK TO ALL OF THOSE TRYING TO FIND THE "ONE"!
I just read your message about your friend and the younger man. Tell her to go for it!! Just keep her guard up until she is sure of his motives. She needs to make sure he realizes that the relationship is a trial, so if it doesn't work out he will not be too disappointed. You didn't say how much older she is to him. I am 39 and I had been seeing a 24 year old man. The relationship has some good as well as bad points. He is not as mature as I would like, but he his still learning. I can understand this and don't hold it against him. He is very devoted and considerate and would do almost anything for me. I was real sick last year and he was the one who sat beside my hospital bed for two straight days holding my hand and giving me the will to pull through. I think age doesn't matter. Men have been dating much younger women for a long time, but unfortunately they are not quite that broadminded about women doing the same thing. When my husband and I seperated he thought it was just a disgrace for me to see a man that is 15 years younger than I was, but now he is seeing a girl that is 17 years younger than he is. It is the same old double standards again. Tell your friend to go into the relationship with both eyes open and just enjoy it. If it doesn't work out maybe both parties will have learned something. At least she has satisfied her curiosity and maybe had some fun too. She won't know what she is missing until she tries it.
Right now I wouldn't exchange my young man for someone else. If I decide to seattle down may I will reconsider, but not now. He has treated me better than any other man ever has and we know exactly were our relationship stands. I have made it clear to him that if he wants to see someone else he is free to do so.
Well,that about all I have to say about this, but please do not put this letter were anyone else can read it, as I would like this to be confidential.
Let me know how it turns out. Good luck to your friend!!
My Grandmother was eleven years older than my grandfather (almost twelve, actually). They had one of the best marriages I've ever seen. In fact, they weren't even married; they lived together for twenty years as man and wife. They couldn't get married because there was a depression on, and my grandmother was collecting a pension because her first husband, an officer, had died. Without that pension, they would not have made it.
Considering all the problems that can arise in a relationship, it seems to me that age is a minor one. Sexually, of course, the combination is ideal -- younger men and older women really like sex, the problems arise when it's the other way around. As for the problem of her being "his mother" -- well all the men I've known want in some ways to relate to women that way, so I think that is unavoidable.
The practice of men being older than women is probably motivated by
-- economics: Men are normally expected to support their families, which they aren't really able to do until they are older.
-- sociologic: Men have this hideous ego problem and it's difficult for them to feel superior to a woman their own age or older. Hence they turn to women they can feel superior to. It makes the bullying easier.
Please don't gather from this that I don't like men. I like them quite a lot. It's just that in real life more often than not they turn out to be hard in all the
At any rate, your friends have all my best wishes.
I not only have been but still am in a "December-May" situation. My wife is 12 years older than I am and our 5th anniversary is September 22nd. I don't think that one can really make any valid generalizations about this kind of relationship. Too many variables are involved. Our courtship and marriage has been the best 8 years of both our lives, but you can't apply that to any other relationship because the people are
different. You said that your friend was involved with a "much younger" man. Is much younger 10 years or 30 years? How mature is the man? How mature is your friend? I found
that I felt much more comfortable with my wife than I did with women my own age. I have also found this to be true with other men I have known (two to be exact) that are in
a similar situation. I'm not sure of the reason, but we seemed to have more in common with each other than with people in our own age groups.
I don't know if this helps any, but I would recommend the relationship whole heartedly based on my experience. The real determining factor is the two people involved. I gather that your friend has some concerns about the
relationship, otherwise she wouldn't be asking for other's experiences. If I knew what those concerns were I could try
to address them more specifically from my experience. I'd be glad to do so either over the phone or in person if you or she want to. Anyway. I wish her luck and hope that the
relationship works out to the best for both of them.
MY HUSBAND IS YOUNGER THAN I AM. AND WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED (HAPPILY!) FOR ALMOST 11 YEARS. ONE OF MY BEST FRIEND'S HUSBAND IS 6 YEARS YOUNGER THAN SHE IS. AND THEY HAVE BEEN
MARRIED FOR OVER 11 YEARS - AND SHE HAS 2 CHILDREN FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE.
TELL HER TO GO FOR IT!
Your friend sounds like she isn't sure if she is right or wrong. If it feels right it is right, a lot of people care more about what others may say rather than what they feel.
I too have been in the same situation twice. Both times it was wonderful, and although it didn't work out I'm NOT sorry I got myself into it in the first place, and if I had the
chance I would do it again. One of the relationships ended when my lover was murdered, and it was at the point where
it would have been signed, sealed, and delivered. I think back, and wish I had said my feelings a lot more and expressed
them a lot more than I had, now I can't.
Most importantly, tell her not to let others make up her mind, you can get all the advice in the world. It's anyones for the asking. Consider the opinions, but base the decision
on intuition, because the chance may never come again.
I would also appreciate it if you would not put my name or mail I.D. in your response file. Some of this I don't want publicly related to met because it is hard to talk about.
I HAVE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES OF THIS COIN A FEW TIMES AND WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT I HAVE LEARNED A LOT FROM THE EXPERIENCES. I WOULD BE GLAD TO TO DISCUSS THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR FRIEND.
BUT NOT VIA NETWORK MAIL.
I NEED SOME QUESITONS ANSWERED ... HOW MUCH OF AN AGE DIFFERENC? WHAT ARE THEIR AGES? HOW SERIOUS? DO BOTH OF TREM FEEL THE SAME OR IS ONE MORE IN LOVE THAN THE OTHER?
PLEASE ANSWER THESE AND THEN I CAN HOPEFULLY OFFER SOME SOUND ADVICE.
—————HAVE HAD SEVERAL SIMILAR SITS [situtions]:
36 WHEN I WAS 24
35 WHEN I WAS 26
LIKE ALL SITUATIONS, IT DEPENDS ON THE INDIVIDUALS SINCE MEN HAVE A SHORTER AVERAGE LIFETIME, IT COULD BE AN ADVANTAGE FROM A MATROMONIAL STANDPOINT.
BEN FRANKLIN OBSERVED THAT ALL YOUNG MEN SHOULD HAVE OLDER
A LADY OF 80, WHEN ASKED WHY SHE MARRIED A MAN OF 20, REPLIED THAT IT WAS SIMPLE ARITHMETIC: 20 GOES INTO 80 MORE OFTEN THAN 60 DOES.
It seems to me (actually, it seems to my girl friend, who knows more about it than I do) that if she is being wildly romanced, she ought to sit back and enjoy it. How often do these things occur? The few times that they do shouldn't be ruined by fretting and worrying about whether or not it is "right". The young gentleman obviously is not currently worried about the age
difference, so why should she.
Don't worry about what other people might "say" ... one should live
their life for the approval of oneself, not the rest of the
Tell her to please be real sure. If she has money it may just be a ploy to get at it. On the other hand it may be genuine love in which case there is nothing to be said, Have your friend consider what 5, 10, or 20 years may do. Nothing lasts forever and unfortunatly time is a womans worst enemy. I am currently single and 31 years of age so I have had the opportunity to romance woman from 18 to + 40. And from my own expierience I believe that I get along best with woman about my own age or a little older. However; If I were looking for a long term and hopefully permenant relationship I suspect that age would be a big factor, mainly because I think of 5, 10, 15 years ahead, and unless we are talking the real thing not referring to coca-cola I might give this bit of advice to your friend "u need a lover that won't drive U crazy, someone to thrill U and then go away." Else-wise she may be hearing this set of lyrics. "Wake up Maggie, I think I got something to say to you, Its late Septemper and [I] really must be back in school, I know I keep you amused but I feeI I'm being used, Oh Maggie I wished I'd never ... "(I)
P.S. Lets hope its love on a two way street.
(l) MAGGIE MAY - R. STEWART FROM "EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY" don’t it??? —————
HAVE HAD SEVERAL SIMILAR SITS [situtions]:
36 WHEN I WAS 24
35 WHEN I WAS 26
LIKE ALL SITUATIONS, IT DEPENDS ON THE INDIVIDUALS SINCE MEN HAVE A SHORTER AVERAGE LIFETIME, IT COULD BE AN ADVANTAGE FROM A MATROMONIAL STANDPOINT.
BEN FRANKLIN OBSERVED THAT ALL YOUNG MEN SHOULD HAVE OLDER LOVERS, BECAUSE THE APPRECIATION WAS MUCH GREATER, AND ONE COULD NOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE DARK.
A LADY OF 80, WHEN ASKED WHY SHE MARRIED A MAN OF 20, REPLIED THAT IT WAS SIMPLE ARITHMETIC: 20 GOES INTO 80 MORE OFTEN THAN 60 DOES.
I love your message but I notice your replies are not available.
I hope some one didn't make you get rid of it. If it is available please advise where the replies are. Thanks for giving us a break with an interesting message.
CANNOT ACCESS REPLY FILE.... IS IT AVAILABLE??
To whoever sent this out, I wish you luck, take a chance.
I've been "the younger man" for almost 4 years now.
The people who love you will still love you. The people that don't love you still won't. Families either understand, or they don't.
Either way it's been fine for me.
I don't know what will happen during the next few years, but its been good so far. Some people think it's odd, but then, I think that many traditional relationships are odd.
Why back out? You only live once, and if it feels "right", then it certainly is! Don't let anyone discourage you from enjoying your life in your own way.
The only ongoing hassle is her feeling that I may want a "younger" woman. Well, if I wanted a younger woman, I'd be with one. There is
something very special about a woman who is mature and who knows her own mind that mere youth can't compete with.
Some people will look askance. So what! They would find something else to adversely judge you about in any case.
Living is a risky business. If you don't take the risk, you won't get what you REALLY want. If someday you have to give him up, don't you
think it will have been worth it? Yes it will hurt, but it will hurt just as much if you back out now, and you won't have had the joys to savor and remember.
Need I say more?
My husband is 7 years my junior (36 vs. 43). My career sustains us, his entertains us! If the beau has a good job, wants to have children, and is ready to do everything 50:50, then what does age matter? —————
Nobody else's feelings/responses count, of course, but all of the folks I know who have been in the same situation are very happy--including me. If I am December, my husband is about August and I had my doubts initially. —————
Its all relative. For example, assume that a woman is 30 and a man is 10. She is three times his age! In 10 years she will be 40 and he is 20. Now she is only twice his age. In another 20 years, she will be 60 and he will be 40. Now she is only 1 1/2 times his age. At this rate, by the time she is 100, she will only be 1 1/4 times his age. This is like a 28 year-old and a 24 year-old having a relationship. Doesn't seem like such a big deal.
Anyway, to be a little more serious, it really depends on just how old each person is emotionally, and mentally, not chronologically. Usually, a young man in his twenties is not very mature, he only thinks he is. As he enters his thirties, his attitude and taste begin to change a more conventional position. This basically means that a man's final personality is not completely formed until after the "young" man era has passed.
In contrast, at least to me, women tend to mature emotionally a little more quickly than men, but not as quickly as some psychiatrists and/or psychologist would have one believe. However, it seems that women begin to finalize their attitudes and perspectives in their mid to late twenties.
In neither case am I implicating that no change occurs after these pivotal years, only that dramatic changes in attitude and priorities seems to diminish. Exceptional circumstances always break the rules! It does seem that the older one gets the more wisdom they apply in adjusting to achanging environment.
Assuming we are talking about an age spread of 15 years. Ask your friend how she will feel when she is 60 and he is 45. Don't consider how he feels about her. Will she still feel attractive? Will she be suspicious? What will the neighbors say? What will his colleagues think? After all, she could retire when he is just reaching professional stride. Will it hurt his career? Whose age group will they associate with? While they may be able to resolve their differences, who will arbitrate amongst their friends? Children? Etc., etc.
Almost the point of no return? Why almost? I think I would question my own motives if it was only almost? This doesn't sound like the love at first sight, we have uncontrollable chemistry to me. 'Nuff [Enough] said. I wish your friend a lot of luck. If it works,
that's wonderful. If it doesn't, how old will she be when she finds out?
Your file doesn't seem to exist. Where are you keeping the responses?—————
Out of wild curiosity, what kind of age difference are you talking about?
My best friend thinks younger men (usually) are great, but I'm talking about 6 years difference. looking forward to hearing from you,
HOW MUCH YOUNGER??? MY WIFE IS SEVEN YEARS OLDER THEN I AM AND NEITHER OF US CONSIDER THIS "MAY DECEMBER"!!
I feel that a " younger man-older woman " relationship is one of strongest relationships two people can have. I have dated several women that were and are older than I am.I don't think that I am looking for a mother figure but someone that appreciates the important points of a solid relationship. I think that those points are respect, trust,compatibility and the desire to have a mature relationship and not some nigthly fling. I also feel that a young man gains some maturity from the woman and the woman gaines some youth from him making both equal in " age ". Age is in the mind if you feel young then it does not matter how many years you have been alive. It matters how you feel in the heart.
Studies have proved that this type of relationship is of higher quility than others. Meaning better communication, more compatible, more respect for each other and better to adapt to the changes that we all go through. I myself have a "crush" on a older woman and plan to let her know soon. Don't be concerned,it can be for the best. —————O.K. ... does this mean you have a dozen more stashed away someplace????????????
p.s. how they hanging ... kinky!!!!!!
a friend, eh??? ... sure!!
SUBJECT: Dear Lover,
Last weekend I fell in love and for the first time I asked a woman to be mine. I did it because it felt right and because I knew the feeling. If it's been a long time it can be a shock.
I feel good when I am with this woman and when I'm not I feel I am a better man for knowing her. We talk and we both listen. We try to remain open and trust each other to be honest.
The range of experience is different with the ages and what a person goes through to get where you now are. What a man and woman can give to each other and help each other be is apart of life not easily offered.
Denying love when it is offered affects both people involved. I just helped myself when I received the opportunity. I didn't want to miss out on love again and I know exactly how it's done.
Within the first day I knew my new friend I recognized a feeling that I had not experienced for a very long time. I had forgotten how it feels to be wanted and appreciated. I have longed for the togetherness and sharing I have found.
If you are willing to deny yourself now ask how long you are willing to wait before you find another man who wants to give of himself to you. What this man can give is far more important than any other consideration. Time is in a bottle, yours to open.
If it works for them there is no problem ...
What are you concerned about? havevn't you been in love before? Then as long as your friend is happy with her romance, what is really serious is her happiness. and if she is not happy about it, it'll show her the right way to zip thru. Soooooooooooooooooooooo, what else matter when you're in LOOOOOOVE?ß§$%&*ß§ß$%§ —————
If he's wise enough not to care about her age now, he may just be wise enough not to care later. As someone who's been there, (from the other side -- me and a much younger female) I wish them both luck and happiness.
P.S. Even if it doesn't work out she'll have VERY fond memories ...
SINCE SHE ASKED ... A SPAN OF MORE THAN 7 YEARS DIFFERENCE IN AGES MIGHT CAUSE PROBLEMS. THE REAL ISSUE THOUGH IS NOT AGE SO MUCH BUT COMPATABILITY. ALSO TOLERANCE. WOULD SHE BE MATURE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILITY THAT HER LOVER COULD FIND ANOTHER YOUNGER LADY MORE ATTRACTIVE ... AS THE YEARS GO BY? A STRONG, MAYBE EVEN "PROBABLE" POSSIBILITY. (THIS DOES'S NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THE BREAKING UP OF A RELATIONSHIP.)
ANOTHER THING TO CONSIDER IS THAT ANY LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP MUST BE BUILD ON THE TRADITIONAL (AND TIMELESS) BASIS OF MUTUAL TRUST, RESPECT, FRIENDSHIP ... A WILLINGNESS TO HELP THE OTHER PERSON WHEN IN NEED ... ETC. THESE VALUES ARE EVEN MORE CRITICAL THAN THE COMPATABILITY/SEX/AGE CONSIDERATIONS. WITHOUT THEM YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP!
I DO WISH YOU FRIEND THE BEST OF LUCK AND HOPE THAT IT ALL WORKS OUT WELL WITH HER.
tell your friend that a friend of mine once said "you can wear your shoes without tieing them in knotts, and you get just as much comfort." Quote
VERY TOUCHY SUBJECT-VERY HARD TO ANSWER! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OLD OLD SHE, HE? EITHER SHE WANTS A SON OR HE WANTS A MOM!!!! MAYBE NOT!!!!!! I GUESS THEY WILL HAVE TO LEAVE IT UPO TO THE OLD HEART-TO DO WHAT THEY WANT!!!!!!! PEOPLE WILL TALK. BUT F--- THEM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!!!!!!!!!
Does she want our permission or does she want out of this thing? Let us know so we can push her in the direction she wants to go.
P.S. What shape are her legs in ?
The psychology and success/failure of "May/December" romances have been disputed, rebutted, analyzed, and generally massaged to death since man (and woman) learned how to communicate. I don't think that the difference in age is really the issue between your friend and his/her relationship. You might suggest that he/she ask the question: Do I come away from the other person feeling fulfilled and satisfied? Assuming a positive response. the next question to ask is: Am I committed to being with this person, no matter what? A relationship works because the two people involved are committed to having it work -- not because of their ages, or mode of living. or interests. or careers. Capiche? Good 1uck to your friend! from a "May/December" romance that's got it all. —————
Nobody e1se's feelings/responses count, of course, but all of the folks I know who have been in the same situation are very happy--inc1uding me. If I am December, my husband is about August and I had my doubts initia11y. —————
wish them the best of 1uck! i have gone out with younger and older guys ... not quite 22 years difference, hut if they are in 1ove ... more power to them. it is so hard to find a compatab1e mate these days, that when and if you find him/her, you must hold on for "gems" are hard to find.
[End of “Romance”. Two more mails with headers:]
Sent: 14 May 86 17:37
From: SALTWICK STEVE ßSCREG
To: DL.ALL TANDEM ßSCREG
Subject: 2:Sex in BAT Class -- Revisited
On May 2, 1982 I joined Tandem -- bright-eyed and eager in the BAT class of Dennis Aiello. Two weeks later my wife visited; nine months later we had our first child, Sarah Rachael. I published this fact to the Tandem world with a memo titled 'Sex in Bat Class'. I received over 100 replies which are now a cherished part of Sarah's baby book. I still
remember my feelings reading the mail replies -- I feIt that I was working for the BEST company in the world.
On May 19, 1986 I will take sabbatical -- somewhat the worse for wear. Becky and I will welcome our second child during this sabbatical. So this is a birth announcement in advance. We will have time to share our love with our new child, and I will have time to spend with Sarah.
I still believe that Tandem is the BEST company in the world -- especially the people. I have met people from all over the Tandem world. They are some of the brightest, most resourceful, and hardest-working people I have ever met.
So to you all, we send you our best wishes. I plan to return on July 7,1986 a bright-eyed and eager soul ready für the next four years. I know that those years will be the best yet!
Sent: 26 Mar 86 17:12
From: DUKE CHRIS ßSVLDEV
To: JOERN FRITZ ßFRANKFT
In Reply to: 26 Mar 86 16:43 From JOERN FRITZ mail
With the currect released products, m6530 only displays the first 100 messages. If you move then delete the first 100, you cna [can] then display the next 100, and so on. Ps mail tty, has a limit of 1000 which might be easier.
with b40, you'll be able to copy a whole folder in one operation.
ORIGINAL 26 Mar 86 16:43 From JOERN FRITZ mail
Chris, I've really got the problem to resort my sometimes inundating folders in descending timely order. Is there a way to do that online? If I do it by creating another folder then first I have another folder name and then I can copy (see) only 100 enties in m6530. Can I get all my new folders automatcally in descending order without going into admin part of m6530 (I use line mode mail normally), can I get outlog in descending? Thank you and best regards - your Fritz
|My German keyboard by Tandem Computers made by Cherry|
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The subject is as old as the world. You might like to have a look at my blog entry on “opportunity and regret”, with the fine Greek saga that regret follows opportunity, no matter what. The post is in German, but with English sections, and nicely illustrated: http://blogabissl.blogspot.de/2015/08/gelegenheit-und-reue.html
“Occasio” is the lady in the wind, her ponytail hair up front to grab, but bold from behind when it’s too late. Have a look at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caerus#Representations:
|Kairos, 11th century, Torcello|
Who and whence was the sculptor? From Sikyon.
And his name? Lysippos.
And who are you? Time who subdues all things.
Why do you stand on tip-toe? I am ever running.
And why you have a pair of wings on your feet? I fly with the wind.
And why do you hold a razor in your right hand? As a sign to men that I am sharper than any sharp edge.
And why does your hair hang over your face? For him who meets me to take me by the forelock.
And why, in Heaven’s name, is the back of your head bald? Because none whom I have once raced by on my winged feet will now, though he wishes it sore, take hold of me from behind.
Why did the artist fashion you? For your sake, stranger, and he set me up in the porch as a lesson